"Maxima Speed" (maximaspeed)
04/05/2019 at 06:23 • Filed to: CB, Subaru, Vape life yo, stance, skateboarding, all the tags | 5 | 20 |
Learn how YOU can be a success story today!
Do you vape?
Do you go to the skate park on a regular basis?
Do catch yourself using “Bro” and inordinate number of times during conversation?
Do you consume more energy drinks than water?
Do your Romantic relationships suffer due to your obsession with old Subarus?
Do you tell people you want to quote “be Ken Block”?
Then you, like many other Americans, may be suffering from Subaritis. Subaritis is a serious condition with life altering consequences. Increased number of tickets, noise complaints, and tire rub are only some of the multitude of issues that can arise from this condition.
But now there is hope
Introducing.............
Subaru Lineartronic Continuously Variable Transmission!
Continuously Variable Transmission or “CVT” is a revolutionary new formula guaranteed to reduce you “Bro Culture” urges and replace them with responsible, adult behavior. While other manufacturers have tried to introduce CVT, Subaru is the first to offer a wholistic solution to cure “Subaritis”. The key was to combine the literally soul sucking transmission, with an underpowered hamster engine to create one of the most effective recipes for reduced “Bro Factor” known to mankind. But wait, there is more.
Subaru upped the game by packaging this miracle cure in a car which was guaranteed to attract “Vape Bro’s”.
The Subaru Crosstrek.
The Subaru Crosstrek “looks” like a Subaru Impreza and its design cues give a distinct call back to Impreza rally car hatches of the past. Underneath, however is where the true magic is. A fuel efficient engine, CVT transmission, good ground clearance, and decent cargo room, make this an excellent adulting vehicle and one which will ease your loved one out of the throws of Subaritis without the system shock of driving a “non-Impreza”. Crosstrek reduces urges and symptoms allowing the condition to subside naturally, easing the healing process. Join the millions of other who have “Non-Impreza” Subarus today, and become the adult your mom always said you could be and your dad said you wouldn’t be. Buy Subaru Crosstrek at a Subaru dealer near you.
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Side effects may include, but are not limited to: rejection by “manual transmission cultists”, increased coffee consumption, working somewhere other than Burger King., having a dog, having children. etc.
Ask your doctor if CVT is right for you. (Pro tip: it is).
vondon302
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 06:51 | 4 |
This is some good OPPO.
Happy Friday
random001
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 07:00 | 1 |
We have a CVT Crosstrek. I’ve come to the conclusion that those with little kids can’t not drive an automatic car. I can’t imagine trying to satiate the needs of the little.....darlings whilst having a manual trans to worry about.
Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing.
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 07:05 | 1 |
And here I thought that the cure was going to be an engine transplant with the motor coming from a VW Vanagon...
Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
> random001
04/05/2019 at 07:16 | 1 |
They can wait until you get where you’re going.
random001
> Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
04/05/2019 at 07:17 | 2 |
Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
> random001
04/05/2019 at 07:26 | 4 |
Trust me, they can.
Signed,
Father of 3.
Snuze: Needs another Swede
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 07:50 | 1 |
The key was to combine the literally soul sucking transmission, with an underpowered hamster engine
My wife and I drove a Forester XT last year. I’m a Subie pre- hipster, I was driving a WRX something like 14 years ago, before hipsters, vape bros, etc. I loved the car, and Subies, and thought we’d be buying an XT. But holy balls that CVT just absolutely RUINS what could otherwise be a fun car. Not to mention the interior build quality is a huge letdown compared to everything in it’s class.
HOWEVER...
Just the other day I rode with my coworker across town to take some sensitive paperwork to another facility. She is this little, short, unassuming young lady who is very, very quiet. I do know her husband is jalop because he owns a Mustang GT, Volvo 850, a DeLorean, and some other car I can’t remember, but s he drives a little Impreza hatch. And she drives the hell out of this thing, apparently. We puttered out of the gate and blasted down on to the parkway and entered the DC Beltway at speeds well above legal, and made it across town and back in record time.
random001
> Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
04/05/2019 at 07:51 | 0 |
Lol. This is the tactic we use for short trips, but when we’re in the car for 6-8 hours to go see th
e
outlaws, this is not acceptable.
SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 07:52 | 0 |
Maxima Speed
> Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing.
04/05/2019 at 07:52 | 2 |
That’s straying dangerously into Acute Hipsterosis.
Maxima Speed
> vondon302
04/05/2019 at 07:55 | 0 |
It was even better the first time I wrote it. I wrote it then tried to save and lost it all because kinja. Had to re write it from memory.
Maxima Speed
> SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
04/05/2019 at 07:56 | 0 |
.........
TheTurbochargedSquirrel
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 07:59 | 0 |
Objection: Subaru's CVT is actually really good. It's responsive and stays out of your way. It also has some nifty features for an automatic like dynamic engine braking. I still prefer manuals but as far as automatics go Subaru's CVT is probably my favorite.
SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 08:01 | 1 |
CB
[sigh]
vondon302
> Maxima Speed
04/05/2019 at 08:03 | 0 |
Unfortunately I know that feeling.
Bought a truck and wanted to tell Oppo and actually write something long for once. I've gotten kinjad twice now.
Maxima Speed
> vondon302
04/05/2019 at 08:04 | 1 |
Oh man that sucks.
Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
> random001
04/05/2019 at 10:03 | 0 |
When you’re in the car 6-8 hrs, you’re going to be stopping regardless of auto/manual.
random001
> Long_Voyager, Now With More Caravanny Goodness
04/05/2019 at 10:36 | 1 |
True.
Longtime Lurker
> random001
04/06/2019 at 00:04 | 1 |
Ho
w much shifting do you do on a 6-8 hour trip anyways?
random001
> Longtime Lurker
04/06/2019 at 09:52 | 0 |
Well, it's not all highways, but that's a fair point.